The Ukrainian (dis)Connection

Tuesday

We planned to spend time with our guy and later on with his sister, but as usual – things changed. Bill & Rebecca spent most of the day in the taxi/van waiting as our interpreter played courier and hand-delivered documents all over. We did get to talk with the orphanage director a little. She told us that her meeting with the sister did not go well and that she was sorry. Our little guy was also at that meeting, and she told us that he is now feeling more connected to his sister than ever before. We were advised to try to meet with the sister to counter the last meeting. We did plan to spend a lot of time with her this evening, but when we got to her shelter, we were told we could only spend five minutes with her under strict supervision by the staff. We got to see her literally for 5 min. Whether she absorbed what we said or not under those circumstances we don’t know but we did make very clear that the sister’s brother (our guy) has serious medical issues which need treatment in western hospitals and that we wanted to help to make that happen whether or not we were able to complete the adoption. It did not feel like a lot of progress was made there! Tomorrow we will try again but the local officials have said we cannot talk to her without a local official observing; our facilitator said the local officials who must be present to observe are hard to find and get to a meeting place (this feels like another intentional roadblock on the part of the local folks) so once again it is out of our control. The concept of scheduling an appointment does not seem to be part of the local officials’ vocabulary.

We have been discussing our options and trying to deal with negative forces. Tomorrow we are hoping for positive news from the Inspector’s meeting. They will be looking at our request and comparing recommendations from various interested parties. We, however, are not allowed to be present. What is up with this crazy place!?! (Aren’t we the most interested?) Obviously we need prayers for patience and fortitude. It seems we are coming to the end of the road for any remaining options here in town to influence events. The people in town who know us and know our guy see that this is an obvious decision but the decision makers do not seem to want to spend the time to learn anything about our history together last summer, his medical condition or the appropriateness of our family. We will continue to work on the adoption and possibly a medical visa in the event the adoption does not happen. We trust the Lord with all of this. Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, we are committed to spending all morning at the orphanage distributing gifts and hanging out with our guy and his friends and are absolutely not going to let the negative administrative adoption process impose on that part of our day. It is snowing pretty heavily tonight and is expected to do so for the next few days. Looks like a white Christmas!! Forgot our Flexible Flyers!!!

White Christmas Eve and White Christmas Day (Yes it was snowing).

Christmas Eve started out early for us and quite nice too as we finished our now traditional ham and egg breakfast and boarded our taxi/van to head to the orphanage. We had asked to stop at a toy store on the way so we could pick up some toys both for our guy and the orphanage children to share. To our surprise, we stopped at a place that very closely resembles COSTCO or SAM’s CLUB. This was both good and bad news: they had everything we could have hoped to buy and they had everything we could have hoped to buy. Conveniently you could change currency right on premises (we did so). It was a lot of fun and even more so when we got to play a little bit of Santa (and played hotwheels cars) later at the orphanage. When Rebecca said, “my heart is full” on the way back, I think she spoke for all of us. While we envisioned this trip as a mission trip, there has been far more waiting around for paperwork than actually doing. This morning was a very welcome way to feel that we were tangibly helping all the children at the orphanage to enjoy some fun. We hurried “home” and met a friend for some quick boot shopping for the girls as every woman here wears long and presumably warm boots. No luck on our first try.

Rebecca and Bill left the kids to browse as they headed to another meeting with our guy’s sister to try to learn something about her background, explain what life in America would be like and have a real dialogue (our first two visits were very short and very closely monitored by local officials). Once again, we met under the close watch of three officials and were told time was up after no more than 30 minutes. This was the most substantive talk so far but still so difficult meeting in crowded hallway with constant interruptions by visitors and staff, every word trying to be translated and cell phones interrupting the dialogue continually. We left with the impression that the sister remains very unrealistic about what life would be like in America. We did our best to communicate the truth in love but the circumstances do not seem to be in our favor here.

Later we met most of the other families at our favorite local restaurant and then attended a Catholic Christmas Eve Service (in Polish we think). The Church was very cold (we could see our breath) with standing room only but it was beautifully decorated with holiday lights and wonderful incense. Communion really does not need translation nor do favorite Christmas Hymns. After that we walked through heavy wind and snow with the Maggi family for dessert and concluded our time together near midnight with a few Christmas Carols. What we lacked in energy and quality we made up for in spirit. I am sure the locals were quite confused by the whole thing.

Christmas Day dawned snowing, cold and windy. We again headed to the orphanage in the AM but our facilitator, who was with us, needed to stop and file some notarized forms related to the adoption process. As always here, these processes took more time than you would ever expect and we arrived at the orphanage just after noon. The director met with us and agreed to keep our guy awake during the normal nap time so he could help us to identify which gifts we had brought would be best suited to which children. There was also more good play time. We also were able to obtain some needed documents and input from the orphanage director related to our effort to continue to work on a medical visa for our guy. We are working on this front as well as the adoption front because we want to try to get him the medical care he needs even if the adoption does not happen.

The day was supposed to end with another meeting with the sister but……after we arrived, the Director of the shelter facility denied us the visit even though the local government official had officially approved our visit with her just the day before. All five of us were geared up emotionally for a big meeting (this would be her first meeting with our three children). We all left frustrated and angry and wondering where we could find the Christmas Spirit. A couple of hours later, Christmas night around 6, our facilitator called and said we could try again as they would now let us visit. Our fun meter had already pegged for the day at that point and we declined any further meetings today. As I write we are collectively trying to rest, decompress from the day’s (and week’s) stress and find the energy to meet the other families for Christmas Dinner (and Wifi for the blog).

We have been earnestly praying for clarity regarding direction. It seems our options are limited to adopting two (one of whom is an almost 17 year old girl who we do not know at all) or adopting none. It seems that the local government is trying to compel us to adopt two on the one hand but on the other hand they seem to be doing everything possible to keep us from spending time with the sister. Today our guy said he wants to come to America with us forever but only if that is with his sister (who he has seen twice in the last 12 months+). Right now we do not see how we could appropriately care for two children with extremely demanding special needs at the same time. We feel we could do either one but not both at the same time. Both would suffer (along with our biological children) from a lack of necessary attention and care as they tried to integrate into a new culture.

So maybe we are sharing too much with you as we write this but it is helpful to process the information. We remain open and in prayer but you see where we are and now you know how to pray as well.

Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart, commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. –Psalm 37: 4-6